Azn girl lookin 2 talk to

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At a family gatheringa distant relative — whom I only see every couple of years — made this particular comment. Stunned and caught off guard, I felt as if my mind was disassociating from my body, wanting to find the nearest exit from him and the conversation. Everyone had an encounter — or ten — to share, regardless of gender.

Another was warned to lose some pounds in order to attract a wife. One was advised to start losing her postpartum weight ten weeks after giving birth. : Reflections on raising my Filipina baby girl. In conducting focus groups with Asian women discussing body images, a study by Javier and Belgrave found that both immediate and extended family members influence body image and eating behaviours.

In particular, when elderly family members make weight-related comments, Asian women feel pressured to politely accept them out of respect. In another studywhen interviewing college-aged Asian women, researchers found that participants often receive unsolicited criticisms about their body shape from family members. However, those impacted tend to minimize these interactions to preserve familial harmony despite feeling frustrated, resentful, and helpless in preventing similar future criticisms.

Another study points out that the overarching cultural backdrop — one that equates thinness with beauty — informs the cultural standards to be met in order to earn social acceptance and avoid criticism. As Asian millennials, we face a long-standing cultural practice that is harmful, yet disguises itself as care and concern; we are seen as disrespectful if we challenge our senior family members.

Azn girl lookin 2 talk to

: Conversations with our mothers on beauty, body confidence, and self-esteem. Even though my fat-shaming encounter with my relative is now a distant memory, I do wonder how I could have handled the interaction better. I could have genuinely leaned in to learn his perspective, initiating a slightly uncomfortable dialogue, but one that would help us both be better humans:. What is it about my appearance that concerns you? Did they mean to tease for fun RUDEor are they genuinely concerned? For the latter, I recommend honouring reciprocity with an authentic and respectful response.

Below is a sample response to another senior relative where I demonstrated assertiveness by sharing my context, while at the same time showing appreciation and inviting them to connect further:. I want you to know there is no need to be concerned. Thank you and talk soon! See also : Asian parenting and beauty ideals: The road to self-acceptance. As we become senior to younger generations, we will undoubtedly find ourselves on the other side of these conversations.

Azn girl lookin 2 talk to

The success of these conversations will depend on your relationship with the other person, even before you approach them with your concern. To end, I offer you well-wishes and advice if you need to talk with a relative about their weight:. Many of us have become accustomed to shrugging off these criticisms as just another comment. In reality, each comment builds upon prior remarks that eventually become the iceberg that only we are aware of. Others see us smiling and continuing on, while the level of hurt, frustration, and despair expands internally. Instead, vulnerability may be our greatest personal ally; we can begin by calling on others to reflect on how unproductive their comments or delivery are.

: Growing up between two ideals of beauty. Work to frame these conversations as opportunities to educate your community, as hard as they are; doing this hard work will prove to be rewarding to yourself and your loved ones. When we focus on high quality relationships, these are no longer fat-shaming conversations, but relationship-enriching conversations. A compelling educator and facilitator, she readily draws from her lived experience to inspire. She is proud to serve as Vice Chair of CERIC, a national organization dedicated to the advancement of education and research in the field of career counseling and career development.

Fat-shaming as a social phenomenon In conducting focus groups with Asian women discussing body images, a study by Javier and Belgrave found that both immediate and extended family members influence body image and eating behaviours. Authenticity and respect: How to respond to fat-shaming comments As Asian millennials, we face a long-standing cultural practice that is harmful, yet disguises itself as care and concern; we are seen as disrespectful if we challenge our senior family members.

: Conversations with our mothers on beauty, body confidence, and self-esteem Even though my fat-shaming encounter with my relative is now a distant memory, I do wonder how I could have handled the interaction better. Photo by Korney Violin on Unsplash. See also : Asian parenting and beauty ideals: The road to self-acceptance Being on the other side: How to properly show concern for others As we become senior to younger generations, we will undoubtedly find ourselves on the other side of these conversations.

Azn girl lookin 2 talk to

By the end of this conversation, how do you want the other party to feel, think, and react? How would your relationship be enriched as a result? Ask for permission to have this conversation. Would you be open to me sharing it with you? Remember that dialogue is a two-way street, so both parties will need to listen.

Maybe the moment you chose was not the right timing to have the conversation. They might still come around, providing that you make your intention genuine and positive. Melting away the fat-shaming iceberg Many of us have become accustomed to shrugging off these criticisms as just another comment. Photo by Aaron Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash. : Growing up between two ideals of beauty Work to frame these conversations as opportunities to educate your community, as hard as they are; doing this hard work will prove to be rewarding to yourself and your loved ones.

Author Candy Ho Dr. Dear Kiki: How can I help a colleague deal with microaggressions at work? September 20, August 31, What should I do? July 26, Comments are closed.

Azn girl lookin 2 talk to

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Cultural factors influencing the mental health of Asian Americans